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26th September 2003

10:37am: .my weekend in le grand pomme.
So im back from the big apple... what a trip! Almost didnt make it because of the hurricane... fucking isabelle! Ended up flying to Newark NJ and then taking an AmTrak train into Manhatten... To say the least, we made it "thru the rain for Mariah". The show was fab at Radio City Music Hall. Shakira was in the house, along with Randy Jackson and other famed folks. umm yeah... apparently fans in the states dont stand during concerts; fucking eh! It think it goes without saying that me and my boys were up there proud as a feather in support of emcee! Our female neighbours to the left asked us what we were on?!? Cant believe that... we said we were on a Mariah high... "take me higher"! lol

Clubbing 4 nights in a row was a blast but eventually got tiring... Thursday night XL and then Plaid, Friday night XL (this time it was packed) and then SBNY. This is when we ran into the bois form teh house party.. that was fun... Turns out that 2 of them wanted me hardcore but they were a little too late cause i was tired as hell by the time they kicked everyone out and tried to make their move... you snooze you lose.

Saturday was great for shopping in SoHo... got my D&G hat which looks fab if i say so myself. Ran into Whoppi Goldberg which was a splice. Saturday night we stopped by the gay college party at heaven, mingled with the guest list twinks and then headed over to Roxy. Met up with Patrick, he introduced us to this shady Latino Papi and then he subsequently introduced us to Tina... girl is high class and soo over-rated.

Sunday brought us a new day of last minute mayham and i ended up buying 3 pairs of shoes... funny how we never returned anyones phone calls. dem bois must hate us Torontonians :/

Went to the second night ever at Avalon.. it was beutiful inside.. the decor was hype, dj was cute, but then again from the moment i saw Alex Lauterstein i thought he was sexy.
Left Monday morning and headed back home... thanks Whitney and Dolce for an unforgettable time... when are we heading back guys?

*kissez*
p.s. this bitch is back!
Current Mood: mischievous

25th September 2003

2:47pm: Pondering...
9:21am: im alive!
ok ppl.. i am still alive!
school is back and so am i...
i dont know how often i will be posting updates because i am busy beyond belief.
ta ta for now
Ry
Current Mood: awake

2nd July 2003

10:46pm: this is weird
i dunno what is happenning with my LJ these days. i log on and the date it gives me fo rmy friends' journals is june 25th. Surely there is something wrong. Well I've got lots to type... just dont have the time. Later gators.
Current Mood: blah

25th June 2003

10:29pm: .drama.
ok so i haven't updated in an eternity... reason being that my life has completely turned around in the past 2 or 3 weeks and i have been just too busy to sit here and type.
Well I am now single again. I feel really good about it but at the same time I miss what I had with Alex. He's finding it hard to deal with the fact that I broke up with him but I'm making sure that he copes properly.

Relations with Jesse have been very interesting as well... i promised that i wouldn't date him until we all had time to recover with the situation. We all need time... it heals. Last week when he asked me if i wanted to go to Montreal with him, I wasn't too sure what would unfold. Im really glad we went. Saturday night while we were supposed to nap we ended up talking for over 2 hours. Great talk... He asked me what my plans were in terms of a relationship and i also asked him about his intentions... we both would like to be wtih one another but we think it would be best to wait... i told jesse that before i go any deeper with him, he must clean off his doorstep. He agreed and we both exclaimed how much we meant to eachother.

I really like being with him, but it is way too weird to show affection when we aren't committed to eachother... That night we all headed to UNITY... i had a great night... it actually ended way too soon. I hope things work out the best between us... its just that we need to reflect on how to best deal with this very complicated situation.

Coming back home was a subtle boost of reality... i realized how much i hate being at home and how much i hate being alone... i haven't been alone in soo long that when i have the opportunity, i dont know what to do with myself. it is something that i should probably deal with before getting involved with someone else.

Pride is here! it really is... gosh it creeped up on me once again! its weird to celebrate pride when i ain't necessarily proud to be gay... im pround to be who i am but im not so proud of this community. im not that excited about this years' festivities but im sure i will have a blast nontheless... i just hope that i dont ruin it for alex tho... he says that he doesn't want to go to any of the unified parties because i what might unfold... i dont blame him but at the same time i feel responsibel for ruining his pride.

ok the weather is soo hot... i gotta finish this entry and go eat some creme de glace!

Cheers
Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music: Beyoncee --Crazy in Love

19th June 2003

1:06pm: who am i?
.. i dont even know this show but apparently Im:

Which Family Guy Character are you? Take the Quiz!

18th June 2003

11:16am: the end of the united kingdom....
ok so the UK has suffered their biggest upset since princess diana.

David Beckham was sold to a Spanish Soccer team (Real Madrid) for a sum of 40 million pounds!

so much for him being the "king" of england... gosh that's upsetting... *sob*

what will they do now when they have to face reality to find out that victoria "posh" spice is no longer their queen?

i need to eat... my mouth is getting dry

cheers
Current Mood: indifferent

13th June 2003

8:45pm: NYC
ok so we finally got to NYC on this glommy friday the 13th... thought we were going to be late for our flight... got there on time only to realize that our flight would be delayed big time... my customs officer was an orgasm! soo hot... he was gigantic and had natural blond hair and the most cut face ive ever seen... he was totally something out of a tom of finland photo!
we are staying on the penthouse of a nice building with commedienne Andrew Martin (Big Fat Greek Wedding)... beautiful penthouse suite... alex and i did a lot today... to the subway to Greenwich Village then walked all thru Chelsea to finally approach MSG... from there the shopping began. we first hit up macy's then HM where the lineups were soo long. no impressed... but i do like what alex got. next we headed to times square and took a lot of photos... they have really improved times square... its soo futuristic these days. i decided that i wanted to do some real shopping so i hit armani exchange and a few other stores on 5th avenue. we had to come back home tho cause jack (the guy we are staying with) was cooking this dinner for us... life is good... missions are sooo possible here in NYC!
ok nuf typing
im going to sip martinis on the terrace.

12th June 2003

9:40am: a lot can happen in a week....
....heck... a lot can happen in one day. reason for empty updates over the past few days was because there has been a lot going on and i just wasn't in the mood to make entries. Essentially here is the short of the long:
-alex bought tickets for us to go to NYC this weekend
-i come to terms with my feelings for jesse and lack of for alex
-i go through a metal mindwarp trying to plan the best course of action
-i decide to be honest--thus i tell jesse that i still have feelings for him and that i think i will have to break up with alex
-jesse confirms his feelings for us both, however states the irrartionality to start a new relationship with me... i fully agree... but i just had to showcase my feelings.
-alex wonders what's going on so i decide to be truthful... consequently i show him our msn conversation... he's not happy but he gains respect for both J and I for handling this
-alex and i talk and i affirm that its best that we move on... we hold eachother on my living room couch for a few hours and cry, laugh, cuddle, and reflect on the past and future.
-we decide that we will still go to NYC (everything is already booked) but not as boyfriends--instead as a celebration of the loving relationship the we once had and still do cherish... like an encore to an amazing theatrical performance (life is a stage!)
-next day i talk to jesse and tell him that alex saw our conversation... he's upset... alex and jesse go bike riding on the harbourfront to discuss matters... hardest 2 hours for me. i await alex's arrival... he tells me what went down... alex couldn't find it in his heart to tell jesse that i broke up with him. in alex's mind i didnt end it. truth is i did. i kinda get pissed because it seems like the talk didnt have the effect that it should have. that night i flip out at J for not giving me his full attention on msn... this is an important issue to me and he seemed preoccupied with other things... we decided to talk later.
-following night i call jesse... he's at ikea but says he can talk.. i tell him that i actually ended it with alex on sunday night... jesse sounds very upset on the phone... silent... he realizes that ikea is not the place to talk about this... he calls me back when he gets home... we talk for quite a while about our situation...
-J asks me what now? where and what do i see myself doing... i told him that i really like him a lot but i dont think getting into another relationship with him is the right thing to do... 3 reasons: 1) i should stay single for a while and allows myself time to grow as a person, get over alex, focus on what i want out of life. 2) i wouldnt want to start anything with Jesse at this point because i honestly done think he is ready... he needs to focus on his career and get it back on track as well as figure out what he is going to do with the two (dare i say) burdens steve and jonathan... 3) this would be completely unfair to alex and i promised that i would never hurt him like that... i intend to keep this promise.
-this, of couruse, is assuming that jesse would want an exclusive relationship with me... i think we would make an awesome couple.. i just feel reallly vulnerable right now with my heart out there for the taking. i have never given out my heart without a guarentee that it would be embraced in return. this is a risk i think i am willing to take... jesse is a good guy.
-another factor that i think is quite risky is that concerning our friendship.. we all had a great friendship but if things do not work out on the romance level then i think it would be very hard to make it work on the friendship level... i dont want to choose between two of the most precious things: friendship and love (thanks whitney!)

despite all this, i am happy... this is a new chapter in my life... and time for growth and renewal. I still love alex and i know i always will... he is the person in my life that knows me the most... i dont know if i will ever find somebody else who cares so much for me and for that and more, i return the love. he will always be a part of me. im part of him indefinately. alex knows that he cannot escape me. oh darling cause he'll always be my baby! *wink*

*exhale*
Ryan
Current Mood: loved
Current Music: butterfly - mariah carey

5th June 2003

6:20pm: no subject...sorry
so i had kinda a shitty day... i still felt intoxicated at work from the night before... the night before at 5ive was kinda fun... good music! im headed out with Bruce for the night. im going to update him on the days of our lives (no not the soap opera silly!). I can't believe that june 5th is today's date... no specific reference to june 6th just that pride is around the corner!
the pre-pride issue of fab just came out... they said they wanna cancel pride this year because of SARS and other tourism woes... i say "do it"! That way all the homos will throw their own really good "original kick-ass" par-tay...

faze magazine should be on the newstands soon... everyone go pick it up... flip to the summer swimwear section and post up the photos of me and my gorge friends! its no vogue but its sure to be pretty cute...

ok i gotta shower... b just called
ry
Current Mood: blah

3rd June 2003

10:10am: ***CASINO***
i arrived back in Toronto at 1:30 pm... had to get ready for fashion cares... at this point i still haven't seen Alex's new hair style... i was pretty excited actually. the night before while i was in N.F i called him up (while i was piss drunk) and spoke to Alex, Paul, Adam and Jesse on the phone... apparently i was really funny and a target of mockery... so essentially i made it my mission to get them all back while they are fucked outta their tree at fashion cares! ha ha!

To summarize, Alex and I ran into Stevie and Cory at Union Station's LCBO... We all headed into the convention centre together... Essentially, the event seemed downplayed from previous years... the actual show itself wasn't very spectacular. Lisa Stansfield and Gloria Gaynor didn't show up because of SARS.. Like WTF??? Frankly it was no big loss to me... i wouldn't be able to recognize them if they bumped into me on the street... Jully Black was rockin'... it was obvious that she was the substitute for Mary J. Blige! She's actually pretty hot... Stevie and I missed most of Sarah Brightman's performance since we were "breaking the seal" in the men's room. Once the show had ended we all had to get dressed for the Backstage Afterparty!

My outfit was gorge! Basically i was sporting my black dresspants, and a black herringbone tuxedo vest and a haze blue bow tie. I put 3 juicy cherry tattoos on my right bicep to resemble the cherries of a slot machine... this was all in theme to CASINO of course. Later on in the night I wore my new Dolce and Gabbana aviators.

We all went on a search for Jesse since he held all our party favors! We found him and much to my surprise he looked soo cute... he made his own shirt also... very creative.. it was a playboy bunny encrusted on a black sleeveless top out of shimmering diamonds. then with the left overs he put some on his ears like pseudo-pirecings... very hot! Everything on Saturday night went soo smoothly.

DJ Hex Hector was great... he even took photos with my crew... Arek, Angelo and Kerri partied with us all night... kerri looked beautiful.. i couldn't get over how much she looked like Britney Spears from a 2001 photo shoot she did. Her glasses were Gucci and I remember her telling me how she snagged them from Comfort Zone last weekend! Good Score!

if anyone wants to see the photos from Fashion Cares, here is the link to some professional website... http://www.envisiondigitalphoto.com/about.htm the password is: CASINO
if you browse on over to page 3 there is a photo of me, arek, angelo, and kerri (in that order)
or you can just check it out below along with some other paparazzi photos taken of me and my crew...

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img =src"http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/2n.jpg">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

i arrived back in Toronto at 1:30 pm... had to get ready for fashion cares... at this point i still haven't seen Alex's new hair style... i was pretty excited actually. the night before while i was in N.F i called him up (while i was piss drunk) and spoke to Alex, Paul, Adam and Jesse on the phone... apparently i was really funny and a target of mockery... so essentially i made it my mission to get them all back while they are fucked outta their tree at fashion cares! ha ha!

To summarize, Alex and I ran into Stevie and Cory at Union Station's LCBO... We all headed into the convention centre together... Essentially, the event seemed downplayed from previous years... the actual show itself wasn't very spectacular. Lisa Stansfield and Gloria Gaynor didn't show up because of SARS.. Like WTF??? Frankly it was no big loss to me... i wouldn't be able to recognize them if they bumped into me on the street... Jully Black was rockin'... it was obvious that she was the substitute for Mary J. Blige! She's actually pretty hot... Stevie and I missed most of Sarah Brightman's performance since we were "breaking the seal" in the men's room. Once the show had ended we all had to get dressed for the Backstage Afterparty!

My outfit was gorge! Basically i was sporting my black dresspants, and a black herringbone tuxedo vest and a haze blue bow tie. I put 3 juicy cherry tattoos on my right bicep to resemble the cherries of a slot machine... this was all in theme to CASINO of course. Later on in the night I wore my new Dolce and Gabbana aviators.

We all went on a search for Jesse since he held all our party favors! We found him and much to my surprise he looked soo cute... he made his own shirt also... very creative.. it was a playboy bunny encrusted on a black sleeveless top out of shimmering diamonds. then with the left overs he put some on his ears like pseudo-pirecings... very hot! Everything on Saturday night went soo smoothly.

DJ Hex Hector was great... he even took photos with my crew... Arek, Angelo and Kerri partied with us all night... kerri looked beautiful.. i couldn't get over how much she looked like Britney Spears from a 2001 photo shoot she did. Her glasses were Gucci and I remember her telling me how she snagged them from Comfort Zone last weekend! Good Score!

if anyone wants to see the photos from Fashion Cares, here is the link to some professional website... http://www.envisiondigitalphoto.com/about.htm the password is: CASINO
if you browse on over to page 3 there is a photo of me, arek, angelo, and kerri (in that order)
or you can just check it out below along with some other paparazzi photos taken of me and my crew...

<img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/3t.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/1a.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/4a.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/4n.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/1h.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/1l.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/1j.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/2a.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/2f.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/2k.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/3x.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/4h.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/2u.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/1c.jpg"> <img src="http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/2e.jpg"> <img =src"http://www.724pix.com/album/104/casino/2n.jpg">

there are some sweet photos of that night on the website.. but to be honest, i dont even remember this photo being taken. i can't copy the larger versions of the photos because they are protected and copyrighted due to the fact that they are for sale!?! hello when did i give any permission to sell my photo!

we all ended up staying right until the end of the party... Alex, Jesse and I had our own so-called "private suite" in the ladies room... it was some big ass stall that was exclusive to us.... we did quite a lot of bumpin' and grinding in there... At like 530am we decided to hit an after-after party at 5ive... it wasn't soo sketchy... they had nice couches all over the place and big platters of fruit... i ended up seeing greg there which was kinda interesting... i think he was pretty shy to see me... we ended up heading home at 7:30am for some good ol' fashioned lovin' to the power of 3... overall i had an awesome weekend...

i had more than my anticipated desserts *wink*

luv Ry
Current Mood: naughty
9:53am: ok so my updates have been barren....
... you know "few and far between" but i have just survived an insane weekend.

friday consisted of the Swept Away 2003 prom at the Sheraton Falls View in Niagara. In all honesty, the prom sucked ass but we got to keep these soft yellow towels as souvieneers! They are pretty cool. We got outta the prom as soon as the first opportunity became availale. We headed to Clifton Hill to take some scenic photos while we were still in our formal garb. Niagara Falls has really improved since the last time I was there. There seems to be a lot of ppl my age that just wanna party hard. On our way back to our vehicle, i noticed a ginormous party going on at some motel. There had to be over 100 ppl just kickin it on the balconys. Emerlee and I decided to go check out what was g'wan. Good thing we did... Ironically enough, this was the official afterparty of the other prom that was at the Sheraton that night! Dunnville was the name of the school. We decided to stay.

Ok so this party was madd! Apparently they rented out the entire motel and completely demolished the place. Room windows were smashed and toilets kept overflowing in what appeared to be a pattern of unison! It was good times... We met soo many ppl there... Emerlee ended up macking some dude named Gavin (who I later found out was the slut of the school) but good for her... he was cute. I met a lot of ppl there... i suppose since we were the only ones who actually didn't go to Dunnville, everyone was interested in getting to know who we were... it was a little overwhelming... the funniest part (which i still dont understand) is that everyone thought I was straight... good thing though but it was funny to pull that shit off! ha ha
The cops came a few times but everything seemed to be cool... by the time we left it was 230am... the ride home was trauma... Emerlee got sick in the back of Chris' car :/ She's just lucky she didn't get anything on my ensemble... I will post pics of this event once I know how to do it!

the bus ride back to Toronto was fucking long... they stopped at every damn city between fort erie and t-dot. some british cutie got on and sat next to me... he came from Oxford and was headed for kingston ont... on the phone bruce dared me to take photos of him while he was sleeping.. so i took like 4! i never refuse a dare... those should be classic!

up next:
Fashion.Cares.
Current Mood: awake

31st May 2003

2:44am: the prom
im drunk... had an amazing night pretending to be straight!

30th May 2003

1:18pm: ha ha
alright im off to Niagara Falls... i just finished a day of pampering myself in Yorkville... i look Fiiine! ha ha.... can wait until photos tonight...
love,
Me
Current Mood: Bold and Beautiful!
Current Music: Everyone -BSB

29th May 2003

4:14pm: busy b.c.
my back is killing me... well to be more specific, its my lower neck and shoulders.
im tense.

what i need right now is to get a massage from jesse or adam -that is a good idea- they are like butch dykes sometimes... they get pleasure in giving me full body massages... at least i can keep them around for something! j/k bois!

yesterday alex and i had a pizza and movie night... it was nice to relax and cuddle with him. we rented "casino" with sharon stone and de niro... we got through the first tape but then midnight came and we called it a night.

today is soo busy at work... im in charge of the alumni reunion tonight and there was soo much stuff that we had to do to prepare... im sure they will all be quite impressed when they walk through the doors. im just soo flipping tired now. i have to go get my final fitting for the tux today after work, then get my eyebrows done, and lastly (but not least) go tanning. the bois better watch out this weekend... mariah will be out in full force!

ok so here is the latest quiz that is all the craze; below are my results --wait! can i have a colon after a semi-colon in the same sentence?-- this is MY lj... sure i can!

HASH(0x847d680)
You're British Columbia. You're hip and happenin'
but also a nice person who isn't a snob. Career
is important to you but it isn't your whole
life. People assume that your life is perfect
and that you have it all, like you were born
with a silver spoon in your mouth. But it's not
true; you do have your own set of troubles just
like everybody else.


What Canadian Province Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

wow... im B.C (not to be confused with M.C) interesting... keep those quizes coming people
Ry
Current Mood: chipper
9:55am: dental check-up from the dark syde...
...so i went to the dentist yesterday for my check-up... its really funny because my hygienist parties at some of the same clubs that i do AND some other clubs that are totally HARDCORE... she was telling me about how she "g-ed" out on the dance floor a few times and had to be carried out by security... Like hello! I don't think i want to hear this when you've got equipment shoved in my mouth! It doesn't end there....

apparently she thinks her boyfriend is gay. I totally accused him of being a fag also (this was when i ran into them on Yonge Street a month ago)... But he full out looks like a cha-cha muscle boi. I was thinking, "so what hunny... your boyfriend is a fag!"... then she goes into details on how they tried anal sex for the first time last month and he loved it.... that just did it for me... it was over.

she seems like a funny gurl and a lot of fun to party with but honestly keep your work life separate from your partying days. She wanted to set me up with 2 hotties that she thought would be perfect for me... (one of them i sorta already knew about and the other one i had no idea)... i told her thanks for the consideration but i'll let her know when im single...

more later.. im flipping busy @ work.
Ry.
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: shape of my heart -BSB

27th May 2003

10:34pm: older woman, non-productive, older woman again
I watched the Osbournes tonight (as did Michelle) and I think I've concluded that Sharon "mom" Osbourne is the cutest lady ever... She's good looking, has the cutest little accent and such an open mind for an old lady... I love her! ha ha
Sorry Michelle, I really hope the guy you were watching on the show wasn't that nar-sty dude who showed up in a taxi... he was dutty!

So after work I essentially accomplished nothing. Went to Kensington market and came home with nothing... Went to Hart House to work out, then realized that i forgot my membership card AND gym shirt. Consequently, i came home without working out... gosh i've only got 3 more days until the weekend and soo much to do.

I just noticed that the Queen has absolutely NO sense of fashion... her pastel day dresses and giant floral pins... Now princess Diana--that's a different story. She was busting out the Versace and ordering personal designs from the top designers... Tragedy.

OK i need to go dream about being a princess and then taking over the throne and as Prince William's Queen! *bad ryan*
Current Mood: jubilant
4:23pm: i took wendy's quiz....
.... and below are my results

It's Crunch Time!!
NESTLE CRUNCH...You are a hard-worker who won't
stop the hustle for anything..."When it's
Crunch time..."


What Type of Candy Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay... im a crunch bar.... this is really ironic since i had a dream on Saturday night that I got caught shoplifting a chocolate bar with rice crisps (and i was with Critsy!)... that was the extent of my nightmare girl!

p.s. the new photo is of alex and i on our camping trip last weekend ;)
Current Mood: amused
3:54pm: awww my eyes are burning....
.... thanks to the excessive amount of time that i am spending at work today. This damn fluorescent lighting.. im telling ya... or maybe its my computer screen?!? Then again its one of those sweeet flat screens.... you law bitches know what im talking about!
So i've concluded that there is a serious lack of hotties at the law school during the summer... I don't blame them... get outside and maintain your body or tan or whatever! Starting June 6th that is my very own plan of attack.

it was nice to see my friend Ola from Calgary again... yesterday we spent a few hours together and sorta caught up... she specifically made a stop-over in Toronto while she was on her way back from the Dominican Republic. I got 2 new pairs of shades yesterday... my account balance is quickly fading to a non-existent status....

Live Journal was down for the majority of the day this morning... hmmm what's wrong with this system... just when I get my priorities str8 and attempt to make an entry, the server decides that it wants to malfunction! According to Steve (or is it Chris -im confused!?!) I'm all over the net.... buddy you have no idea... ha ha j/k

Which brings me to my next point... why does everyone I know have the same names? Like seriously, there are soo many friends that are named chris, or matt, or ryan, or steve, or mike, or john, or christine, or (ok my point had been made)... life would be much more simpler if only everyone had more unique names... which reminds me, i should switch my name back to mariah.

ok i feel like im rambling...
im going to go now...
maybe read a book...
wait i should just leave work...
bonne idee...
ok im really leaving now...
much love, Ry.
Current Mood: nerdy
Current Music: Someone To Call My Lover -- Janet Jackson

26th May 2003

11:02am: my.update.few.and.far.between.
i feel like shit today... my skin has lost its elasticity
my weekend was eventful but nothing really got accomplished except for the fact that i spent a lot of money. On friday alex, jesse and i went and saw "totally, sexy, loser" at the film festival.. it kinda sucked. went to IT with stevie and tyler on friday night... after that we headed to an afterparty which turned out to be disasterous. sat i meet up with my sister and we did some shopping and went to see the Queer Youth Digital Video Project. I really enjoyed this feature the most from teh festival. One of her friends directed a movie that we saw and it brought back soo many memories. The film was shot in my old high school and mostly in the boys locker room. it was kinda funny because the movie was a gay theme and that locker room was where i used to change every other day in high school for gym class... after the movie, i took amber tanning, created and solved a mystery relating to Bruce's "man", and bought my sister a pair of Chanel sunglasses! Saturday night Christine, Bruce, Alex, Andy, and Amanda went to Buddies. It was a nice crowd but the music is horrid. Sunday i just went to the gym, and cleaned up the house to get a fresh start on the week.
Im Tired.
i feel like i have been overpowering myself lately.
i need to relax.
Breath.
take time out for me.
its unfortunate that i feel like this right now because soo many things are going on in my life right now...
im my friend's prom date this friday.
fashion cares is on saturday.
alex want to go to new york city in 2 weeks.
next thing you know pride is here.
let's not mention boys and the drama that always ensues along with them ;)
but we all know that i live for drama.
ok christine is here to visit me at work... im going to finish off..
luv Ry
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: none

20th May 2003

2:28pm: never a dull moment....
... it seems like when you expect things to settle down, something new finds its way into your life. Im not complaining--simply stating--! So the camping trip was a pleasant success. We basically had a lot of fun while just relaxing and vegging out. It was good to get out of Toronto and also to spend some quality time with Alex and Jesse. I feel like there are no worries in the world when they are both around and we spend time together.
Yesterday, after i got back to Toronto, I decided to give stevie a call and try to mend things up. We haven't talked in over 2 weeks and I realized that time heals and we should start up our "best friend" business again. So I took him with me to the Gay and Lesbian Film Festival... We saw a movie called Starfucker! Afterwards we both talked about our situation and why we were fighting and a potential resolution to the issue. Things are better now and he wants to come to NYC or Detroit with me to see Mariah Carey. Oh yeah! we ran into Tommy yesterday with Rachel and Eric. He said that he saw bruce and that bruce was soo weird acting and was giving them the cold shoulder... hmmm i wonder why?
Alex and I are off to see another film at the festival tonight at 5:15....called School's Out
Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Tamia --Officially Missing You--

16th May 2003

10:09am: didn't quite make it through the rain....
...this morning on the way to work... it made me think though: why is rain viewed as miserable weather and a symbol of turmoil... sure it is, at times, an inconvience but personally I love it... playing in it, smelling it, and getting "wet" form it... rain is gracious... rain is good... let me just wear a tight-fitting white top and it will all be oh-kay!

so yeah im at work (again) and tgif! i wonder if the temperature will be suiting for our camping trip this weekend? My main goal is to chillax and work on my tan but that may be hard to do if there are clouds in the sky or no dry land to lay on. I went to 5ive on Wednesday for College Night with Tyler and Alex.. I actually had a lot of fun! Wednesdays are like how Friday nights used to be. Tyler and I came up with some excellent phrases for the summer and a cool "idea" about drag queens... i can't mention it hear though but let's just say it comes in numberz! There was a guy from Giovanni modeling agency going around taking photos of ppl at the club... he took my photo and then apparently if you give them your email address, they will send you the photo... it never worked... i sometimes just wish that people would be honest about things instead of lying to get what they want...

My heart goes out to those who knew and loved Holly Jones -the little girl who was kidnapped and killed in Toronto-. It is such a tragedy to see things like this happen to innocent children who are the targets of predators... Some people out there are fuct but at the same time, it is a specimen of mankind that society has failed. God Bless.
Ryan.
Current Mood: sympathetic
Current Music: emotional rollercoaster - vivienne green

14th May 2003

11:57am: foolishy i romanticize.....
...ok so it wasn't soo foolish afterall...

this week has been pretty steady. I finally spoke to Andrew in the UK after like 3 months of not hearing from him... I was a little shocked at the habits that he formed. Let's just say he's good friends with "tina" and he now has a lot more in common with Whitney Houston! But he assured me that he is alright and not an addict... i certainly hope so. I got to see his photo albums from his vacations.. they looked like a lot of drunken fun. I'm glad we are back talking... honestly i dont know why we stopped... he really misses Toronto (and me of course!)

I have decided that I should really focus on eating healthy for the next few months... There is no point in working out when you aren't providing yourself with the proper nutrients to gain mass. I hope to eat at least something for breakfast, a sufficient lunch, a good dinner and then something before I hit the sac. Because of exams I feel like I have lost a lot of weight and need to get back to the gym... If I stick to my plan, I should be in great shape by the end of June (which so coincidentally happens to be Pride in Toronto) *wink*

Alex and I bought a few new summer capris at Zara! I'm really liking the collection that stores have to offer this season.. its about time man. Yesterday I was thinking about sunscreen (lol Janreeta) and how I should probably find one that is suitable to my skin type. I got 2 pamphlets and read them and concluded that I really should stop going to tanning salons... i know i know that everyone was telling me that they are bad for you blah blah blah but they never really explained why and I just shrugged them of thinking that they were just saying that because it was the "right" thing to say.... But these pamphlets did attempt to explain the differences between UVA, UVB, and UVC rays and what tanning actually is... I didn't really know that it was a defence mechanism that your skin produces when it is being attacked by the sun... basically it is a sign that your skin is suffering...

this concept blows my mind.... unhealty is the last thing that you would think about after seeing somebody with an amazing bronze tan. But in reality, that is what it is. So there are 2 new products on the market and I think I should try them out and preserve my skin before it start to age! ahhh the beauty of youth! If only i can find that fountain... I'm thirsty.

Ry
Current Mood: thirsty
Current Music: none... its quiet and im @ work
10:54am: im so behind (as usual)....
... today is monday and i still haven't made entries about my eventful weekend. Friday I went out for din-nero with Cheetah and Diva... we end up at Pizza Hut on Bloor Street. Our waiter was the cutest old gay man I've seen... He had a sweet southern accent and looked a lot like a happy Santa Clause! We ended up giving him a good tip. After the we headed to the gym to sneak in a quick work out before we went clubbing. I had a lot of fun that night just preparing with the gals... Rashida girl, I saw you showering and you saw me... we've got nice bodies sister! ha ha. Jesse and Ahmed came to pick us up and take us to IT. I had a great night there with all my friends. I met a few of Cheetah's friends and they seemed pretty cool... Ha I cant believe what I said to Chris though! I rock! He was giving Jesse and I dutty looks but who were the one who ended up macking that night? That's right *wink*... Overall brilliant night!

Saturday morning I woke up next to Jesse... we had the kinda of night where morning came too soon... Had plans to go to Marche for brunch so we both had to shower and get ready... Brunch was delish but i needed something nutritious (not them waffles). Afterwards we "rised up" (inside joke) and decided that we'd head to Paramount Canada's Wonderland to get our seasons passes... We only went on one ride and then walked around for a bit before we left for home. When I got back, Alex was there and I decided to tell him everything that had happened in the 4 days that constituted my break... He wasn't really that enthused but I told him that it really shouldn't be an issue. Its all good now! We've gotta prepare for the camping trip this weekend! Hope its fun.
Ry
Current Mood: working
Current Music: Hollywood --by Madonna

13th May 2003

11:51am: it's not like nothing has been going on in my life...
... its the complete opposite actually. I've been too busy with a lot of things to write and I have not been at work since last wednesday. Alex and I got in to an argument on wednesday night over who I can bring with me on the camping trip. He didn't want me to bring one of my best friends and consequently I got mad. Now really this has nothing to do with who I can and cannot bring, but mostly to do with how he thinks he can/should be able to control what I do. Lately, I fell like my life has been regulated and when someone else holds the power to suppress what I want to do, I dont know how to handle the situation and I flip out.... OK so its really not all that bad... I ended up going to see my friends who were working at St. Mikes Library and stayed with them till 3:30am! Actually, we snuck out to 5ive night club on wednesday for college night. I saw Jesse there and he thought I was mad at him and I thought he was mad at me! It was a complete misunderstanding apparently (we found this out the next day when we talked about it)... Janreeta couldn't believe the tension! lol

On Thursday I went out with Michelle, Wendy and Travis... We headed to Yonge and Egg and did a bit of shopping... I cannot believe the gold mine that I found @ Sport Check... I never knew they sold designer wear like Prada, Lacoste, and Emporio Armani... gosh i thought it was a sports store exclusive to adidas or something! Had a good time though... then we went to Korean town for Korean cusine... the first place that we went to was apparently really expensive, so after we were seated, we got up and got out! I felt kinda embarrassed... we ended up at this other place that Michelle likes... I hated what I ordered... Gosh im soo cultured in every sense other than food... I should really work on that!
Thursday night Bruce and I went back to his place after we met up and we rented "Wise Girls". Its a movie starring no other than our fav Mariah Carey and she plays the role of this bad-ass waitress in a restaurant owned by members of the Mafia... we thought the film was pretty good... there is an epic scene when Mariah shines as a b-list actress.... its her birthday and some girls brings her a cake as a surprise... before mariah even turns around to see the cake, she prematurely gasps at the surprise! lol

ok so that is it for now... my weekend update is coming up next!

toodlez...
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: justin timberlake --Where's the Love
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